The Future is in You?

Have you ever thought about what would happen in your life 5 years, 10 years, or 50 years from now? Do you think you'll be a successful person as you want to be or end up as disappointment? I always feeling insecure when it comes to the term of future. There are excitement and scare about what will happen in my life. As I grow and turn 20-ish I kinda doubt myself. The thought of "Is what I did enough for my future?" always popping up in my mind. Plus, when you see around sometimes you'll meet some people who are so gifted. They are smart, rich, charming, kind, and every possible good things that everyone wanted. And, I'm not as near as that. The insecurity of not being survived in the future sometimes haunts me. Can I survive to this simulation? However, scare can give motivation to be the best of me. The worst, it can give me insecurity of being failure. As I'm the first child, I kinda have responsibility to be the substitute of my father when he retired because I still have one younger sister who still need support, mentally and financially. Sometimes I do think it becomes a burden for me, the first child. But, at the same time it becomes priority. I put my family first over myself. Once a friend said "put yourself first". I do think I always put me first, but if I have other choices whether choosing for my family or others, I'll choose them.

Now, I'm in 6th semester of university. My contract is still less than 2 years before my university can drop me out. But, the scare of getting out there, to the real world sometimes scare me more than anything. I'm not ready. Though, I may look strong and well-planned I'm still a confused girl as I ever be. I still don't know if what I wanna be is reachable or not. Is it just wild dream or a goal to my life. The scare may grow bigger and bigger but life goes on and I don't wanna live with it. Therefore, there are two options for me, be the warrior who strive for my goal even my wildest dream or be the beggar who always asking for people's mercy because I can't reach my goal as I take pity for myself. Though, I know I'll be the warrior. Slowly but surely for my future. Because I know the future is in me. And now, it's your turn. Do you wanna be a warrior or beggar for your future?